Song of the post: “Try,” P!nk and “Skyfall,” by Adele
I know, I’ve done “Try” as my song before. I think it’s my theme song this year. “Where there is desire/ there is going to be a flame/where there’s a flame someone’s bound to get burned/ just because it burns doesn’t mean you’re going to die/ you gotta get up and try.”
When you’re sick, you can’t tell if the drugs or common sense is talking sometimes. For me the lyrics has a powerful meaning. They mean change.
As my kids cuddled with me during our recent battle against the crud, I recognized how little quality time I spend with my kids. They said they hoped I felt better and the cynic in me believed them.
It felt like a turning point in our relationship. We tried to have a good time, despite our illnesses and succeeded.
Then some relationships seemed to grow apart during the crisis. When you come to depend on people doing certain things for you and they seem to run away, it hurts. Especially when you’re ill. But as a mountain mama, you survive. It’s in your nature to survive, kick butt and take no prisoners.
When I got well enough to function again, I cried when P!nk told me that I had to “get up and try, try, try.”
So when OneRepublic told me it was “too late to apologize, it’s too late,” I came up with this personal challenge. Life is what it is, you gotta get up and try.
Countdown to 37
GOAL:Do something I usually don’t do everyday until my 37 birthday, June 4. An exercise in stepping out of my comfort zone. To see if that fire of desire burns brightly or fizzles.
DAY 1 (Feb. 10): Hold a Grammy nominee dance party with my kids. We lit candles, burned incense and danced like rock stars to Adele, fun., LMAO, etc.
DAY 2 (Feb. 11): Bake my mom’s crazy cake recipe with my 2-year-old son’s help in honor of my dad, who is dealing with some health issues. (I find comfort in baking.) Check out the local university’s course offering and email a person for assistance.
DAY 3 (Feb. 12): Walked from my work to downtown to get some Shrove Tuesday pancakes. Enjoyed the recap of the pancake races. Chased my youngest dog for a few blocks after he got out of his collar. Heard “I don’t want you to go to work, mama,” for the first time in forever.
DAY 4-8: Spent lots of time with the kids. Found that the key to my dilemma is compassion, which I’ve had little of since my illness. So now I must cultivate compassion, in myself. Only though compassion, can I put all the hurt feelings aside. Then my family can get back to normal.
Also I watched “Skyfall.” I loved James Bond as I was growing up. I like the theme of an old system adjusting to a new world. I also love Judi Dench as M. Now to train to be a secret agent.