Recently I read an amazing piece from Hands Free Mama about the importance of letting go of past mistakes.
Rachel was were I am now — trying to make everything perfect and so caught up in her gadgets that she knew she had to change her life around. She’s
been working at it for about two years and seems to be fairly good at it.
I am constantly struggling. I hit a rough patch at work and with the kids recently. Since 2014 began, I have been making fairly good decisions about everything, except maybe the kids.
I’m kinder but to the point that they take advantage of it sometimes. Being a parent is a slippery slop, one moment you’re having fun, the next your changing a poopy diaper, or calming two warring factions of kids.
I struggle not only with keeping the peace between them, but also within myself.
To try to stay calm and carry on, I’ve been exercising daily for at least 30 minutes. Some days I need more than that, others less.
It helps but recently, something was still brewing in those darkest recesses of my brain. The ones that breed second-guessing and a lack of self-confidence.
Then I recalled another Hands Free Mama piece “Freedom from your Fears” in which a reader wrote to her and got a beautiful reply.
It was then I looked over the course of my life and looked at all I loved but had put aside to play “grown-up.”
I used to write and doodle, especially in school. Classes were boring, I was there for the degree, I didn’t have a purpose back then except to be the best actor-fashion designer-architect-whatever-I-made-up-that-day in the world. That and to prepare for the spring track season. I loved shot put and discus.
I kept returning to writing and reminded myself how much I missed real writing. Letting the words flow and coming up with something that made people think. I haven’t been doing that lately.
And I’ve started writing for me again. And even the darkest recesses of my brain are less gloomy.
I’ve also began reading for me again.
I work at a job where I read for a living, which makes everyday reading not so enjoyable for me.
But I’m a woman on a mission — I have a trail half-marathon to run. I want a better experience than my first half, where I was severely dehydrated and overdressed. And there was no food at the end do the race!! I was a starving and unhappy camper.
So for 2014, I started keeping a fitness journal. I actually started it today because I’ve been too lazy to pull it out of my backpack my past few workouts. In it, I track my training for the day and how I felt. Let me say sinus congestion makes running difficult.
Also I’m eating healthier. I’m going to try to incorporate more of the Paleo diet into our meals. I’ve been alcohol-free for 12 days of the year so far. I’m also cutting off the late night snacking, which is hard when I get home from a shift.
So far I’ve lost seven pounds, which includes my holiday weight gain and a bit extra.
For me, the most important thing has been reminding myself that I’m the only person who I have to answer to everyday. I need to make each day the best I can and the past is past.
I hope today’s post has a better photograph than some of my posts. I’ve switched smartphones so I’m learning a new way of blogging. This seems so much better than my old way so far. Let me know what you think.