Song of the post: “Best of You,” Foo Fighters

I’m not sure whether I was born to resist or be abused, but I knew someone wasn’t getting the best of me.

And that person was me.

Like many people, I have my demons. They are the voices that tell me I’ll never be good enough, I don’t try enough, etc.

It took me a long time before I was able to send my demons packing. I still battle them occasionally. But I’ve learned to recognize when I need a little help.

In February, I began training for a late-May half marathon. I did the race last year and want redemption. I struggled through dehydration, hills and other issues. This is a chance to prove to myself that I can plan and have a good solid run.

I also consider this a tune up for the Marine Corps Marathon. If I can actually do my training like I should for a half, doing it for a full marathon will be easy.

This time, I am training with a plan in a half marathon guide for women, by Jeff and Barbara Galloway. The plan calls for two 35-45 minute runs with a walk day before either a speed workout or long distance run. Since it emphasizes the Galloway walk/run method, the speed work is more to get familiar with your run/walk intervals.

I modified the plan to suit my needs, running on days when I know I can get enough sleep and resting on days I can’t.

And for two months, I’ve mostly been following the plan. But it’s not enough. Not enough to keep my demons from saying I’ll suck in May.

I’ve also let my demons keep me from doing the rest of the training, which involves the mental aspects. Even if my legs can make it through the half-marathon, if my mind isn’t ready, I don’t do well.

For me, this mental demon is best shown in my waistline. I know I’ve said in the past that weight is nothing but a number. But when you go from 60 miles a month to 100 and still weigh the same amount, something isn’t right. And that something is my diet and attitude.

The sometimes-wise Mountain Papa told me about how I need to make a mental shift. Not only do I have to want to be better and I have to work on it with my entire being. I haven’t done that. I go through the motions, but mentally, I’m elsewhere, usually in the land between cranky and half-asleep.

That must change, and I can’t just say it, I have to mean it. I have to be that change.

So I’m going to step off my soapbox. I can put cute pictures up on Facebook about thinking positive and being strong. But until I think positive and feel like I’m being strong, it’s all just pictures.

Two more months of half-marathon training. Am I giving the best of me? I know I haven’t done so. Will I from now on? I will do the best I can. There is no try.

Two months down, two to go. The best is yet to come.