Recommended reading/podcast: Mom is in Control

School has started. And for me, that means spending most of my day by myself, doing whatever needs to get done until the kids get home and I have to start working.

Back when Mountain Kid 3 was three or so, I would spend that time working out, and trying to wear him out. MK3 has always been more of an explorer than the other two kids, so I tried to take him everywhere with a stroller. In retrospect, there were times when that probably wasn’t the safest thing, but it worked.

Pushing that stroller up hills and holding it during the downhills made me stronger. When the stroller was gone I was faster. It was an awesome way to work out.

But I was still an angry, mad and a very scared mom. I still am scared, that’s what moms do — worry about their family. But I’m not as angry or as mad.

Let me explain. In 2016, things collided in my life that made me go beyond the superficial surface of many of the things in my life. I meet some amazing people who challenged me, made me cry and made me feel like I was doing great things. It was easy to blame the outside world for my problems, but in reality these interactions brought to the surface a lot of my insecurities and things I was unwilling to face.

And then we moved in early 2017. Those people who encouraged, annoyed and made me a better person are now in Facebook land — never to be seen again unless there is some extravagant effort on both of our parts to meet up.

And I slid. I was lost without the friends to push me where my family could not. Being in a new town, around people I didn’t know in situations I didn’t understand, just made things worse. But for some reason, I feel like I’m getting things back on track. Slowly but surely, I’m getting back to where I should be.

The recommended reading/podcast, Mom is in Control, has a lot to do with that. Heather Chauvin, the host, tells it to you straight. She offers some wonderful advice about parenting and being a woman. She also has some wonderful programs, which, if I had the money to invest in myself by going through one of them, I would. But in the meantime, I can invest in myself through education and spending time working toward my goals.

The episode that really struck a chord with me was No. 180 “Own Your BS (Interview with Bree Stedman).” Bree talks about being a parent and after a moment of losing it, she found herself. What she talked about resonated with me. I was/still am that kind of parent in a lot of ways.

While owning my BS, I’ve also come up with a list of wants. They aren’t “I’d like to visit Mount Rushmore” or “I’d like to eat food without having my kids take stuff off my plate.” There’s no ‘I’d like” on this list — that’s weak, non-committal.

I want to train for the virtual Runner’s World grand slam and run a half marathon the last day. I want to not feel angry all the time. I want to succeed financially. I want to start up that small business I’ve wanted to do since I was in culinary school. I want to spend more time with that nonprofit my husband hates because I support it’s cause.

I want. You can’t always get what you want. But sometimes you find that certain wants align with other wants. I want do run a half marathon in the fall and use that to ramp up to a full marathon in the spring. I want to train in practical exercise again so I can do a Spartan trifecta in 2018. I want let go of my anger, so my kids can be happy.

So here I am training for the grand slam which happens Oct. 20-22. The races are a 3.8 -mile trail run, 5K, 10K, and half marathon. I don’t know of any trails in my area, so I will either run on the beach or ruck the 3.8 trail portion. The rest, I can do whenever, however I want. If I remember correctly, at the actual Runner’s World Festival, the trail run in held on Friday, with the 5K and 10K on Saturday, and the half marathon on Sunday. I will more than likely break it up to the trail run and 5K on Friday, 10K on Saturday and half marathon on Sunday.

My training advisors told me to train for the half but try to do some weeks of back-to-back long runs to get my body accustomed to the torture that will be there on race day. This week, I followed by 7 mile run with a long plyometric workout that I barely finished. So, I think I’m good this week.

I’m also reading some nutrition books. They are about how a female’s hormonal shifts affect training and races. It’s interesting stuff that I’ll review in a later blog piece.

If I knew these resources were out there, I would have started doing this stuff sooner. I was/felt alone. I’m still alone in many ways, but now I know someone out there has been through the same thing and can help me out.

What would you put in your “want” list? Feel free to share in the comments.