Movie trailer of the post: “X-men: Days of Future Past”
If you could go back in time, what would you tell your former self? Would you tell yourself how badly you messed everything up or would you stay silent and not disrupt the time continuum? Would you give yourself the winning lottery numbers.
The trailer poses this question in an interesting way. Professor Xavier and Magento (portrayed by my two favorite actors Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellan) send Wolverine (Hugh Jackman) into the past so he can tell their former selves something.
I guess going yourself would screw history up, so you need to send a guy who doesn’t take direction well. Using that logic, I should send me 3-year-old to find my past self.
What would I tell my past self?
“Hope” wouldn’t work well for me. I’ve always had a knack of being hopeful but it’s been superceded by one thing.
As a Facebook friend put it recently “STOP feeling guilty.”
I have a tendency to blame myself for my own shortcomings. The perfectionist is me wants to rub them out like Lady Macbeth tried to get the blood off her hands. I obsess over little things and turn them into mountains.
As my family has grown over the years, my guilt has expanded to include my kids, pets and to some extent my husband.
My husband trains so much because I’m not exciting enough.
My daughter doesn’t X because I didn’t do Y.
They think my son is feral because I coddle him too much.
When I read my friend’s Facebook post, I expected someone to respond that way. What I didn’t expect was the deep spiritual awakening that hit me in response to it.
For reference, I posted how I felt guilty for not working out that day.
I did workout, but it wasn’t something you measure with a Garmin or fitness app.
I shoveled snow, three times, off my sidewalks in one day because I’m so petrified of having my kids and/or myself fall.
I carried laundry up and down those slippery steps on the way to the basement washing machine.
I danced with my kids and played human metronome. That when I pick them up and swing them in time to a song.
It’s not a workout found in a training manual; it’s a mommy workout.
As I saw the guilt unravel, I reminded myself that I’m my own competition. My family is made up of individuals. I just have to do the best I can and they’ll do the rest. What happens happens.
What happening around our house is a great amount of snow and cold weather. Due to the abysmal weather, I’ve had a lot of these mommy workouts sprinkled in with whatever I can fit in at the gym. And I think the kids and I all enjoy it.
I’ve also been giving myself more of a mental workout, a time to pause and center myself in order to reduce stress.
At the suggestion of my counselor, I’ve been getting back into meditation and found a free app for my iPhone, Mindfulness Daily. It offers a variety of practices and each day is centered around a different meditation practice such as doing body scans, focusing on breath, etc.
So far, I’ve really enjoyed it. It lets me track triggers and assess my day.
In other news, I hope to put a soup recipe up here soon, as I’m getting more into preparing the week’s meals in advance. Pear-applesauce is also in the testing phases.